Sunshine regained

It's nice to finally have a whiff of a plan. And the idea of flying off to America does seem interesting, but before that, I've got to show all the idiots who say I'll be happier doing journalism or writing and that I'm better for that than journo material a thing or two about what material I really am. So yah to you, stereotypers, chauvinists and all other hues of the loserly type. *Phrrrrrrr*

Mom and I had long conversations about life and such.. (oh! no wonder the title is what it is :D) this time when I went home; she was so happy with my score. Not so much because of knowing whether it was good or bad, but because she was so glad about me being happy with an exam I've written for once! It almost never happens. And now there's another and it never ends! Fourth year was supposed to be relaxing. Guess I'm paying for all my sins of hedonism through the years by having my brains picked out this sem. But in a way its fun to be productive, sort of like school, where working a little bit was taken for granted. And like one of the more dramatic teachers at cat class said, if you can't put in the kind of effort it takes for yourself, who else could you do it for?? Well said, Spinoza. Well said.

Anyway, I have problems other than the petty ones here in college. My dog is ill and isn't eating anything. My heart broke when I saw how thin he'd become. And I realized he is 9 years old and it scared me so much. And I feel bad for mum and want to send her off to Delhi or wherever as soon as possible because she's lonely here. And there aren't many who I can talk to in person who would not think, hm.. I don't know why she's telling me all this. Oh well, thank god for the people I can talk to, in person or otherwise. You guys are my survival mechanism. Thank you so much for reminding me about things about me I keep forgetting now and them, what with the efforts that are made to make me forget them and turn me in to a different person.

Life's too short to worry about how other people aren't giving you what you expect of them. There are far more expectations that I have of myself- I should be thinking about whether or not I will be able to live up to those. Expectations that have nothign to do with anybody else on the planet. And I see now that the sense of betrayal if I forsake those will be far greater than if does somebody who doesn't even understand them or appreciate them. I'll learn to live with shadows thrown by them, but I'll shine my own sun right above me.