How many heart-breaking habits can I strive to rid myself of at one time? Where can I find this strength that is as alien to me as the situation demanding it is familiar? Maybe it's time to turn to things that I'd written off as ill-suited to a person of my temperament, nature and beliefs...
It is a strange feeling to have - happiness mixed with a terrible, gnawing pain. Both so distinct that I can tell from fraction of a second to fraction, which of the two it is. But if I don't fight my impulses now, don't give my reason and feelings at least a little respect, I know that I can never believe entirely in what I call my convictions. It's the perfect platform. The biggest investment of my life until now - stick with a negative rate of return and wait indefinitely for inflexion, or shut down. Blacken the heart and lungs for those ephemeral moments of ecstasy, or quit. I will ask myself that question, and answer it in exactly the same words everyday, for as long as it takes.
1 comment:
well...long as you're not coating your lungs with inhalations from smoking chewing tobacco, rolled up in a post-it, stuffed into the business end of a Reynolds ball-point pen cap...and lit up, yes...then I suppose it's not all that bad...
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