I Linger Still

After a couple of days at home, I'm back in college, to live out the rest of the good life, before I put myself in shackles once again. But campus isn't the place it was. Everywhere I go, I feel an air of loneliness. Everyone is here, though. Not sure what that is about. Maybe a subconscious weaning away reaching its culmination.

We made the finals of the competition in Hyd Central. One out of six that were selected out of 14 bands that auditioned. Wasn't exactly how I'd wanted my last gig with them to be, but memorable all the same. It hurts to know that I'll never sing with these guys again. Had some fun times, came to like each one of the immensely. Grateful to them for giving me an alternative to the rut I was in.

Wish I could get mom's food, basketball, canteen waale juices, DC++ at college and the unmentionables all at the same place. What a sweet place that'd be! The Simz has vacated.. and the door to her room is splayed open, its blue bareness matching the metal hide of the cot and the hideous emptiness of her room. She should've left the poster there. But it would only have been removed by an unthinking junior I guess. I should get more fresh air. I might just go bananas if I stay cooped in for too long.

It was a productive stay at home this time. I went under the dentist's tools, gave my dog an extremely successful bath, had a bath myself in the process, watched a lot of television, went on walks with mom and rediscovered good food. Then why did I come back here so soon? The most obvious reasons don't seem reasons enough when I probe a little deeper. I probe more, and some not so honourable ones peek through. A little more and it just seems like it has become a habit to want to come back to college. Anyway, I guess one could call it taking full advantage of living and studying in the same city.

I wonder sometimes why I don't seem to want to go onto forums, network with my future classmates, check them out, make friends, exchange pleasantries about which brand among mattresses to buy... takes the charm out of it. Takes the novelty out of it. I want to go there and experience the newness, bit by bit. If half the guys there already know each other, well, I'm going to have to live with that. A good friend and senior in a b-school told me that the noly purpose for these forums is for the guys to check out the gals and vice versa. I'm thinking that perhaps there are a coupla more, but this does seem like the primary reason. Anyhoo, I'm presuming that I will not have to hunt on forums if cute guys are what I'm looking for. I certainly am not going to learn up all their nicknames in advance so I can walk in there the first day and say "Heyyy Cricky! Can't believe you're here too! Oh... wait... I did meet you on the XYZ forum on pagalguy... hahaha silly me" It may also be that I've decided I'm not going there to socialize. I want to find a goal worth calling by that name and work towards it. Want to make good.