Kerala, once again

These are random writings I was unwittingly (at least, I hope so!) forced into during my short visit to Kozhikode last weekend. I've written when I had no other way to rein in my mind before, never out of boredom. Least of all about Kerala. Anyway, since I'd promised myself to document my limited travelings, I supposed I must record these too. I did feel very nice now and then, I remember. This was one of those times. And I'm glad that when I was happy, I was unconditionally so.

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How could I not write? I'm in "my own country". Feels like home - a home I haven't been to in a long time. I came to Kerala only last May, so the memories of that trip are still fresh. I don't mind the reiteration of how much I love this place, though. This was probably the most effort and mindspace I've given to getting anywhere, and the most mistakes I've made, but I think it was worth its while. It was heartwarming to see the satisfaction on the locals' faces when they encouter a group of touristy north indians, andhear one of them ask them about the place in malayalam - satisfaction of being able to help, and show us their homeland.

I've never been able to look at some people as poor or needy. Some I can, some I can't even though their situation might ostensibly warrant it and consequently warrant help. I was horrified when one of us decided to get onto a horse tonga after much persuasion from the driver, and then get off after a few yards because the person felt sorry for the horse. All the money due to the man was given to him, of course. His apparent confusion and disappoint nearly broke my heart. Why not go the entire way? It was barely half a kilometre away. Why give him charity when he'd be so much happier if we'd given him a few extra rupees after taking us to our destination? Why do people who mean well have to be so stupid? They made that man look so much poorer than when we started our ride. He isn't a beggar. Give him his work's due, he'll go home happy to have earned his day's meal. Don't give him blankets and alms.

The ride from Mysore to Kozhikode was perfect - sitting on the engine next to the driver, we passed through Bandipur and the Wayand forest. To think we would've made that journey at night had we not missed our flight :) Kerala is as beautiful as it always is in my mind. I'd been apprehensive, wondered if the things around me would ruin this for me. It doesn't really matter that on this trip, I don't think of it as 'naadu' - a bit of a drag without congenial atmosphere. But the thoughts that the IIM campus and the sights I saw awakened in me about my childhood, my college days at IIIT, the stories I've heard, the stories I want to make and be part of - they wipe out negativity.

The beach was a pleasant surprise - it's been a while since I've seen such emptiness. I felt the sand under my feet and collected shells and absorbed the coconut curtain lacing the sea. Back in campus, I had multiple, bittersweet deja vus as the college band played Zombie and Promises. They even played Dooba Dooba. That song will never be as wonderful as it is when I picture two crazy boys playing with a guitar and their voices in the boy's hostel at aye aye aye tee.

The food isn't new, the language isn't, nor is the greenery. Kerala is still where I'll be in my favourite dreams. My more ratiocinative side, too active these days for comfort, wonders if things would change if.. when I see other beautiful places. Then it wonders if I'll ever see them. There aren't so many beautiful things in the world that I mightn't be able to see all of them while I can, are there? I was going to say 'before I die', then 'while I'm alive', then decided to say 'while I can'. Radiating positive energy, I am.

As an aside, it is rather interesting to feel smug and sympathetic at one time. And to be on the other side of the fence of compatibility woes. I'm grateful I had the strength to face them when I met them and crossing it, being helped and helped by someone who wanted to cross it too, and watch the sunset over the meadow on the other side with me.