I wish I could I could go back to a time when things were simple. When I didn't really see other people. When happiness was tied up to simple things. To whether I'd seen a dog that day, or whether there were rain clouds in the sky. Or to knowing that Achan was returning from a work trip that day and imagining what he would bring for me. Not to brands and slots and work profiles and salaries. Now... everything is just... not right...
One would think I'd get a job, be relieved, be there for other people when they could some help, feel their confusion and distress, be happy for them when they finally crossed that hurdle, and that'd be it. I don't know what it is... maybe its just seeing emotional havoc being played out in front of you... seeing people disclose this deep-seated need for watching other people going through the distress they have just conquered, and sympathising. It is in the tone of their voice when all they want to do once they've gained their confidence back is to better the wrongs in another. Before a moment of reflection, there is the need to look to the next person who is still where he doesn't want to be... and shake the head in disbelief, and list out reasons for the said unfortunate situation.
I still need to look inside of me to feel any pure emotion. Still need to transport my mind far away from anywhere that has voices that lack kindness. To go to places that are kind to my heart, that don't harden it. ... the more the stay the same.
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